Today we are celebrating 3 years of marriage. Three years of life covenanted together as husband and wife. Three years of learning about each other and how to work together as a team. Three years of continually realizing that we cannot love each other by our own strengthen or willpower, especially in the whole sense of the word love. The kind of love that you promise to display starting on your wedding day with no end date.
The foundation of marriage is covenant love–the bearing all things, forgiving, trusting, persevering, not wanting your own way kind of love.
By God’s grace, we have grown deeper in that kind of love the last two years as we’ve lived overseas. We thought we had a great marriage and then we moved to a place that wrecked our nice little boxes of how our first year of marriage, in the States, was.
It no longer seemed easy and we often weren’t understanding each other. I needed more help with basic things around the house. He needed more encouragement. I needed more alone time but we were naturally together a lot. He needed to figure out how to rest in this new and sometimes stressful environment. We had to learn how to work together and depend on each other in a whole new way. We had to learn how to evaluate our expectations of everything and everyone… including each other.
Continually evaluate your expectations.
Is it reasonable for me to expect to always have electricity? –umm..no
Did I clearly communicate that I felt overwhelmed and needed help?
Is it loving for me assume my spouse is purposely annoying me?
Is it legitimate for me to expect that my husband and I will always enjoy taking language classes together?
Overseas life in general will put you on the fast track for realizing just how sinful you are.
Marriage adds another element to the process of sanctification as the enemy wants nothing more than to distract, attack, and disunify that which God has made one.
We certainly don’t have it all figured out and are continually learning how to love, give grace, and work together. Through the ups and downs, God has drawn us closer to himself and to each other. We are learning how to fight FOR each other and face difficultly together on the same side of the table instead of seeing the other person as the problem.
Here are some prayers and verses I like to pray regarding marriage:
- GENERAL PRAYER: “Father, glorify your name and bring your kingdom rule to my heart, our marriage, and this house!” (from Lifelong Love)
- WHEN IN CONFLICT: “Father, glorify your name in this situation. Bring your kingdom rule into our hearts. Help us look at this through the lens of what brings the most glory to you and what is evidence of our yielding our hearts to your reign.” (from Lifelong Love)
- COMMUNICATION: Lord, help me to be quick to listen, slow to speak (especially when the timing is not right), and slow to anger. (based on James 1:19)
- LAUGHTER IN THE HOME: Lord, help us to be filled with laughter and joy among everyone we interact with. Help us to proclaim what you have done for us. (based of on Psalm 126:2)
- LOVE: Lord, help us to display a 1st Corinthians 13 kind of love with patience & kindness; without envy, boasting, or rudeness; without insisting that I am right or things have to be my way; without irritability or bitterness; help me to rejoice in what is true; to persevere in all things in my marriage; to keep hoping and enduring in all things, both easy and difficult.