7 Ways Married Life Changed When We Moved Overseas

We knew life would look different overseas but we didn’t realize exactly how and in what ways it would change. There are some things we knew about the culture in general but didn’t realize how much it would effect us and our marriage. For example, realizing that affection between spouses usually isn’t a thing here. We want to respect the culture and adapt in necessary ways but we also want to prioritize marriage and not lose aspects of what helps propel our marriage forward.

We hope this gives you a glimpse into what we’ve experienced in our marriage overseas.

 

1. Less PDA.

No holding hands unless we are in a very westernized area in a big city (or in the forest).

 

2. We spend more time together.

In the States,

We both worked during the day and looked forward to discussing how our day was when we both got back home. I guess I never consciously realized how much I  looked forward to driving home after a long day of work and relaxing with my husband.

Now

We are both in full time language study and take class together. This means we are around each other a lot more. 

This is definitely a blessing but had its challenges towards the beginning.  We pretty much know what each other did that day so it takes more effort to be intentional about processing life, asking each other questions, and working together.

 

3. We rely more on each other.

    (or in other words: I have less independence + rely more on my husband.)

In the States,

I could jump in the car and run errands or meet up with friends by myself.

Towards the beginning of our time here…

I couldn’t drive. 

The roads are curvy and driving is crazy so I am still working on stick shift (not to mention you sit on the right side of the car and drive on the left side of the road). Now I drive a scooter but at the beginning since I wasn’t driving right away, it made grocery shopping or meeting with friends more difficult. I relied on the husband to take me places.

I also have less independence because South Asia is a “man’s world.” Usually if a man goes to the bank or wants something fixed or has a request, it is more likely to get done than if a woman were to go and inquire about the same thing.

 

4. We spend more time cooking/ cleaning and managing the home.

In the States,

I managed the home with relative ease. (I was no expert but cooking/cleaning wasn’t all THAT time consuming) 

CLEANING

Everything just gets dirty fast — with monsoon and dust and wind storms. It takes more time. The sweeping, mopping, dusting, and dishes without a dish washer.

Not to mention the insects, spiders, ants, mice, monkeys, and civets that we’ve had to “take care of.” I have no idea how much ant killer I’ve inhaled or how many screams I’ve let out as I’m trying to kill a giant spider (or just when I see one).  The electric bug killing tennis racket has really come in handy! (disclaimer: we did not kill any mammals in the process)

COOKING

In the States,

I could whip up a healthy meal in 20 or 30 minutes. Hello pre-cut veggie bags, dressings, year round sweet potatoes, plethora of protein/ meat choices, and canned items. 

Well, none of that exists here.

Now

Cooking takes a lot more time since I make a LOT of things from scratch. As with veggies, there is no pre- bagged and cleaned spinach available for a power salmon salad + guac dinner (this was one of our favorites).

Want honey mustard?– make it. Want granola bars? –make them. Want beans?–rinse, soak, cook, then add to whatever it is you’re making.  Want tomato sauce?– blend & cook up the tomatoes + herbs.

LAUNDRY

Praises… we DO have a washing machine. I realize this is a blessing in and of itself!

But, sometimes you live in a house where the water pressure is low (or tends to run out) or the electricity goes out in the middle of the cycle. Therefore, laundry doesn’t always go as quickly and easily as you think it will.

Sometimes one load of laundry can take 3 hours because a 40 minute cycle doesn’t account for how long it will take for the water to slowly drip into the washer.

The Reason I put this one under Marriage is…         because it effects both us.

At the beginning when it took me 3 hours to make dinner, I was overwhelmed, stressed, and sometimes there were tears flowing along with the faucet.

I had to realize and communicate to my husband that everything that seemed easy to do (house-wise) in the States was now infinitely more difficult and time consuming so we needed to work together in different ways to accomplish what needed to be done.

 

5. We go on more adventures together.

I love this aspect of life overseas. Whether it’s going the market where cows, people, cars, motorcycles, fruit, and fruitsellers all fill one street or taking a vacation to somewhere I’ve only seen on a map, we definitely “adventure” more. Some are just in town and others are thousands of miles away.

These were some of our favorites: Sabbath, A Milk Man, and A Day Hike in the Snow  & Our 2nd Anniversary Camping Trip.

 

6. We’ve grown closer together.

When you are put in situations where you have to rely on each other, you can’t help but grow closer together. I have grown in my love and respect for my husband as I’ve seen how he handles different situations with grace and compassion.

There have also been a lot of difficult days. Not because we are going through trails that people write books about but just because we live in a broken world & marriage isn’t easy. There have been tears, long talks, and lots of forgiveness asked for and given even in the past 9 months in South Asia.

We both want to strive for the thriving rather than surviving, in life overseas but more importantly in marriage.

 

7. We’ve learned more about each other + ourselves.

Wheew, the good, the bad, and the ugly. It’s true.

You think you’re a pretty patient person until you move to South Asia. 

Where you wait all day for the plumber who said he’d come at 10 am.

You think you’re a pretty kind person until you move to South Asia. 

And the airlines rips you off again and you need to explain the entire situation for the fourth time so you can get at least get most of your money back.

You think you’re a pretty optimistic person until you move to South Asia. 

And no one understands you, you can’t stop crying (for no reason), the electric box wires just got fried therefore you can’t cook what you made for dinner, you got in an argument with your spouse and don’t even know why, and the wifi doesn’t work so you can’t even call a friend.

Don’t get us wrong, we love South Asia but it’s not always easy and it definitely teaches you a lot about who you really are. In other words if you want to be sanctified, just move overseas and your experiment will probably work.