A desk is a place we engage in work, organize our thoughts, and attempt to set ourselves up for success (in whatever way that looks like).
A year ago my desk was cluttered with lesson plans, Montessori papers that I created, copied, or purchased to correspond with lessons on all subjects. I knew my job. I knew how to do it. I knew my role as as an educator. It wasn’t easy but there were moments when my mind could go on autopilot because I had engaged in whatever task it was so many times that it became relatively easy. I worked for at least 8 hours a day. I didn’t always feel like I knew exactly what I was doing but I felt overall competent for the role.
Life overseas is pretty much the opposite.
I am now the student who has no idea what she’s doing. My desk holds language learning scraps, books, notebooks, flashcards, colorful markers, and assignments. I don’t really have a formal role or identity other than “Language Learner.” Even 30 minutes at my desk studying by myself often feels like an eternity. There are no luxurious moments of being on autopilot. I feel like I am constantly trying to figure out new ways to learn and definitely don’t feel like a rockstar language learner who loves every minute of it. Even trying to get 4 or 5 hours of language time each day has been a struggle.
When you move overseas, there is a part of you that is stripped away–no matter what your job or role is. It’s a process of sanctification. You go from (probably) a successful competent person who can communicate with others, drive, get groceries, cook, and work a job… to someone who can’t communicate with most people, probably can’t drive right away, might have no idea where or how to get groceries, has to re-learn how to cook, and may or may not have an official job title.
Last year, my desk was a haven of peace in a separate office from my main teaching classroom. At times my desk would welcome a cup of hot tea or an early morning croissant from the local bakery down the road. It was a place where I could engage in focused work when the students were at art or music. I enjoyed the moments of quiet where I could concentrate on planning & creating.
Currently, my desk has felt heavy and burdensome. It is a place where I have language lessons on Skype, plan my time, study flashcards, and do language homework. Studying can feel monotonous and learning can feel slow which is why I knew I needed a space I could make my own.
I painted my desk with grey chalk paint that I was blessed to find since almost all the shopkeepers of paint stores looked at me like I was nuts when I asked if they had paint that is NOT glossy. “No, we do not sell that. Only gloss,” was the response. Sometimes sweets make their way to the desk (like homemade cream sodas from the 4th of July party) but lately it’s been iced coffee with sweetened condensed milk (since we don’t have good creamer here).
I’ve made sure to also put things that I love around or on my desk. Like paintings from my sister (talented chick), and a perpetual calendar so I know who’s special day is coming up. It has been a great way to stay up with important dates and keep up with people who are dear to us.
I am learning that the battle for language learning starts with filling your mind with truth about where your identity lies. It’s not about how perfectly you can decode the language, how fast you can translate that into English, think of something to say, and then translate and spit back out a grammatically correct thought. Wow– even describing what decoding and speaking ONE sentence is like, feels exhausting. This week I have had to take a step back and remember that…
- there is abundant Grace in the Lord
- our identity doesn’t lie in our education
- or profession
- or how competent we feel in the role we are in right now
IT’S ABOUT FAITHFULNESS… wherever you are…whatever you’re doing. Whether it seems exciting or mundane, world changing or minuscule–it matters!
The following verses have encouraged me in my identity this week and what really matters – – –
Zeph 3:17 The Lord will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.
Jer 32:41 I (the Lord) will rejoice in doing them good, and I will plant them in this land in faithfulness, with all my heart and all my soul.
Isaiah 62:5 As the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so shall your God rejoice over you.
Romans 8:31 If God is for us, who is against us?