The Bucket that Gets Dumped Out When You Move Abroad

A friend of mine told me about the “Bucket of Skills” analogy in regards to moving abroad.

You may not realize it, but you have a bucket of skills that has been curated around your language, culture, skill set, and everything involved in making your life YOURS.

In your home country…

You know the local language.

You know how to drive or get around.

You know your city and you probably don’t have to ask Google or Apple Maps how to get to work or church or the grocery store.

You know how to cook with the foods and products you can get.

You know how to do basic household tasks.

You know what is appropriate to say when someone gets married, or ask you over for dinner, or how to decline an invitation.

You know what is appropriate to wear for different occasions such as an average day, an important event or wedding, going to church, and working out.

You are independent.

Then… you move to another country and the bucket of skills gets completely dumped out.

You DON’T know the local language.

You take a taxi from the airport and realize you can’t communicate with the driver at all. You don’t know how to haggle for a good price. You don’t even know how to say “How are you?”

You probably DON’T know how to drive.

The roads are small. The car you have is big. Maybe you don’t have a car at all. The driver’s seat is on the right side, not the left. People drive on the left side of the road and the cars are stick shift. There are hills everywhere. Your options are a)learn how to drive a car or scooter or b)learn how to take public transportation (which you can’t understand yet)

You DON’T know your city.

You want to get some groceries but you don’t know where to go. You finally walk to a shop and realize milk is sold in bags, the eggs are covered in poop, and the flour is filled with bugs. Not to mention there is one of everything, not twenty-five yogurt options. You don’t even see meat and produce in this shop.

You DON’T know how to cook with the foods and products you can get.

Okay, despite culture shock you still remember how to make eggs but that’s about it. Where do you find yeast to make bread? How do you make bread from scratch? What can you even cook for dinner tonight?

You DON’T know how to do basic household tasks.

What does it mean to turn the pump on? Why does water sit in a tank on your roof? Why is there a bucket of water and scooper in the bathroom? Do you wash your clothing in a sink or in a bucket? What do people use for detergent? Maybe you have a machine but it doesn’t really look like the ones you are used to. You even have a dryer but the filter to clean out the lint is in the back. (You might not even notice the lint filter for four months. woah–how did that thing not catch on fire?)

You DON”T know what is appropriate to say when someone gets married, or invites you for dinner, or how to decline an invitation.

You have no idea what is appropriate to say. Even when you start understanding some of the language, you have don’t know how to respond to most of the things people ask or say to you. You just end up smiling to try to win peoples’ favor.

You DON’T know what is appropriate to wear for different occasions such as an average day, an important event or wedding, going to church, and working out.

You don’t know if you should be covering your head with a scarf, if you should wear jewelry, or what kind of clothes are appropriate to wear on a daily basis. One day you go somewhere and realize you, the only girl in your group, must cover your head and you totally forgot your scarf. You resort to a rain jacket and put the hood of the jacket up to cover your hair. You learn the lesson the hard way and will never forget a scarf again.

You are NOT independent.

You have to ask where the store is, how to wash fruit, even how to turn on the hot water because it must be heated for half an hour before you even take a shower. You have to depend on others for most things for a while.

And that’s just the beginning… So Now What?

All of these things happened to me. It was real life. I moved to South Asia and went from being a teacher in the States to feeling like a three year old in South Asia.

Your bucket of skills has been thrown down the drain and you’ve got to start over. You are now in a new culture and there are new rules. You will need many of the same skills but will have to re-learn how to do them in your host country.

Here are some tips to keep in mind:

1. Remember that every day you are in your host country, you are adding to your bucket of skills. Even if it doesn’t feel productive every time you show up for language class or watch a movie in the language, or walk out your door, you are learning how to live in this country. Maybe all you can handle in the community is one hour a day at first because communicating when you don’t know much of the language is exhausting and difficult. That’s okay. That is actually normal. Give yourself grace and keep getting after it, little by little.
2. Remember that what might seem like a failure to you, can be a learning experience. This sounds cliche but I remember many days where learning the language was so frustrating for me. I got really upset and honestly mad at the language and burst into tears day after day. That year, when I reflected on lessons I learned, I wrote, “language learning is not for wimps. You can do this.” I also learned that for me, it might be more about the journey and sanctification that comes with learning a new language than the language itself. It caused me to depend on the Lord every day.
3. Over time, your bucket will fill back up. Have Patience! Imagine a massive bucket of water being filled up from a small tap. If you stand there and watch it the whole time, it will probably seem like it’s taking forever. But if you go do something else that you really love for a while and come back to find it filled perfectly to the brim, you’ll probably not think anything about how long it really took. Make sure you are filling your life up with things that give you energy and rejuvenate you. Take a break and then jump back in and persevere.
4. Ask people to help you fill your bucket of skills. Maybe you ask a friend where she likes to shop. Maybe you invite a local neighbor over, even though you haven’t been there very long, and ask her to teach you how she makes chai. Maybe you call someone and ask them how long you need to boil unpasteurized milk before it’s safe to drink. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable when life gets difficult and the culture gets overwhelming.
5. Celebrate victories– even if they are small! If you are able to go to the vegetable stand and buy vegetables, share this win with a friend and celebrate! I still remember the first question I asked in the language. We made a quick stop on a road trip and the older lady in the shop looked up at us while she was knitting something. I asked, “Is that a sweater you are making?” She said yes and a smile beamed across her face! I felt so connected to her and proud that I actually asked her a question and we both understood each other. Celebrate your growth and progress!
6. Don’t forget to laugh! Sometimes you might be steaming mad at something that takes place in the culture or when it seems like 1,000 things go wrong in one day. We have been there. But, remember to laugh– laugh at yourself, funny things you see, and the craziness of this life.

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Enjoy this free printable as a reminder when the days get difficult! Hang in there, friend!